The world often revolves around an idea of constant self-improvement. What may start as a healthy desire to grow and change can escalate into losing the value of your goals. There comes a point when constantly “working on yourself” can do more harm than good.
Goals look different for everyone. Maybe you decide to start going to the gym, cooking your own meals, or reading more books. These are all great ways to put energy towards caring for your needs, but how do you know when you’ve “met” these goals? The threshold for what constitutes achievement can stay in constant movement, leaving a feeling of discontent.
In a society where productivity and self-care are emphasized and encouraged, it is easy to get caught up in the constant “bettering” of yourself. However, to be “better” implies that you are currently not enough and, left unexamined, can take a toll on your sense of your own worth.
This post outlines some ways the drive toward perpetual self-improvement can be harmful and how to manage expectations to feel the deserved accomplishment in your achievements.
Success in meeting goals is a reason for celebration! However, when expectations for productivity and self-improvement are impossible to meet or the bar is constantly moving, success and progress can lose their meaning.
This can also result in a diminished amount of pleasure from the activities themselves. When expectations are heightened, our hobbies can turn into metrics, endorphins from a great workout may be ignored, or reading can become more about pages read than a good book enjoyed. Your mind may shift from “Does this bring me joy?” to “Did I do this well enough?”
When you tell yourself you need to be fixed rather than grow, all your worthy efforts toward positive change can actually lead to burnout. Instead of feeling more confident, motivated, and empowered, you start to feel exhausted, constantly attempting to maintain unrealistic standards. And that list of things you want to work on can leave you in a state of analysis paralysis, frozen in place rather than taking steps that will get you to your goals.
Even if you are clear on your goals, when you are your own coach, self-criticism and focus on flaws over achievements can leave you more discouraged than motivated. Just like in a sport, a good coach balances giving constructive feedback on what can be improved but also acknowledging the moments of growth and change, no matter how small.
Having expectations for yourself is necessary for growth, but managing those expectations so that they are attainable and acknowledged is the key. Here are some ways to measure your progress while still giving credit to the growth you have achieved.
Focus on effort, not outcomes
Sometimes with self-improvement, it can be difficult to measure what a successful outcome looks like. Focusing on effort, even while you measure progress toward your goals, can help you recognize meaningful shifts in your priorities and rewards, such as increased self-confidence and clarity.
Use smaller checkpoints to define big moments
Utilizing smaller checkpoints can help you stay encouraged and motivated on your journey. If your big goal is to achieve something over the course of the year, try breaking it down into smaller chunks you can achieve weekly or monthly.
Set time aside for reflection
Set aside a designated time to reflect on your progress. This can be a good way to check in with yourself about your goals and how you feel about what you have accomplished. Weekly journaling, for example, can offer an outlet for reflection while also tracking long-term progress for those achievements that are not immediately apparent.
Progress ≠ Self-worth
Taking the time to remind yourself that the progress made is not equivalent to your self-worth may be one of the most important parts of this process. Your intrinsic value is not changed by your ability to meet a set of goals you’ve imposed on yourself or those imposed by others.
If you find that your sense of your own value is driven by your ability to meet specific goals or that your inner coach is actually a harsh inner critic, it can help to talk to someone. If you are in the Chicagoland area, we are here to help.
Growth is a process, not a checklist. Taking the time to recognize the effort you have put into self-improvement can make every action feel like a success. Give yourself the grace of knowing that growth is not a linear journey.
This piece was written by Sealia Gross, a graduate intern therapist on our team. Sealia draws from her work supporting clients who are navigating life transitions and trauma. In her work, she often supports individuals who put significant pressure on themselves and are learning how to approach growth and healing with greater self-compassion.
